What's in a Name?

In the delivery room, when I was high on laughing gas and Nick was holding our darling little girl all he could do was walk around the room murming "You're beautiful, so beautiful". I paused for a moment, checking my current status. Feet in stir ups, legs so tired people were holding them up, my nether regions exposed to the whole world, blood and new baby gunk all over my chest, sweaty hair stuck to my forhead, my all too sexy bent glasses. Sigh, I realized I was no longer the most beautiful thing to Nick anymore. And that's when I knew her name. Isabella Sophia.

Upon deeper reflection alone in my hospital room that night I realized how perfect her name was. Together her name means "beautiful wisdom". Now, getting pregnant was not a surprise for us, it was the next thing on our big "to do" list in life, but it did happen a lot sooner than we thought it would. And right after it happened the life that we had been carefully stitching together piece by piece began to fall apart. We began to question if we were doing the right thing, if now was the right time, and in all honesty there are still days when we ask ourselves that.

There isn't a RESP started for Belle who is already seven months old, we recently bought her her first toy and her wardrobe is gifts and hand me downs. We buy whatever diapers are cheapest, (or that we have the best coupon for), I make homemade baby food simply to save money, we haven't had a date since last New Years Eve, our apartment was built when tvs were only black and white and last redecorated in 1975........

Well you get the picture. But now is the perfect time for Belle to be here. She motivates me to get up at 3:00am to do my paper route so we don't have to live in this apartment forever. My play breaks with her keep me going while doing my day job as a dictatypist. Knowing that she's asleep and totally reliant on us will keep Nick up while he writes a paper tonight. Daydreaming of adding siblings to her life helps us not spend money frivulously. And the way she wakes up each morning completely oblivious to our bank account, totally believing that she has everything she needs reminds me that I serve God and not money.

There comes a point where you just have to suck it up and say "God, I totally trust you with my life. I know that you came so I could live life to the full, and for me full means a house full of kids. So take this oh so little that I have and help me to make it much, help me to make it the whole world to this little child." And He does, because He always knows what you need and just when and how to give it to you, His wisdom is beautiful.

And I know you're all wondering the answer to that age old question- "If Belle had been a boy, what would you have named her?" The answer honestly is I don't know. But at the time Nick was pretty stuck on the name 'Cohen'.

Hallelujah we had a girl.